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i am 14 (keep that in mind) and my ex was a year younger. (13)

our relationship started off fine, we argued because i wouldnt open up about my struggles and he would get annoyed. over time, i changed myself in ways for him that no kid should be doing at 14 just for the feeling of love. after school ended and it was summer we slowly grow closer together, calling every night, spending time just talking all night long or laughing together when we couldnt sleep. but the one thing i will never be able to forget is the way he put his hands on me. we’re kids, fresh teens, yet he had a s***** urge to do anything and everything. i gave in. gave him what he wanted until he asked for s*x. we had s*x probably 4 times every time i snuck out to see him and every time i played along and fed his needs. he’d hold me after he was done and tell me that he was sorry and that he loves me so much. then he broke up with me and that destroyed me. my mental health has been at an all time low ever since we broke up. i begged him for days on end to take me back and that i’d be a better girlfriend and whatnot because im an idiot who just wants to feel loved, even it wasnt right. then i let go, 3 days of no contact, then he texted me. “i wanna talk to you, irl”. i asked why. he said its better he says it in person, i asked what it was about and he said it was about me. i thought he wanted to talk about the fact that i tried to commit suic*de after we broke up, or just some other bs. but later that night i texted him asking if we could just say it over text because im impatient when it comes to these typa things. the conversation shifted into a normal conversation, he told me how school was going and how he might get with this girl who everybody hates just because she has a “good body” which was a joke because she is paper thin and stuffs her bra and pants with paper towel. he said that to make me jealous and started teasing me, then he said “this might sound crazy but do you wanna get back together?”, and obviously, i said yes. 2 days later i snuck out to see him and we made out, he was touching me and i could feel the warmth of his hands all over again. i was happy to be in his arms again, even if it meant having to deal with his behaviour and selfish needs. we f**ked and made out again, then we went home. fast foward to the next friday or whatever, he gets super dry and when i go back to text him i see that he blocked me. im still not over him, still not over the way i miss how his hands felt on me, still not over the depression and damage that was caused by the sudden loss of feelings AGAIN. i have severe depression and constantly have suic*dal thoughts. im going to end it all soon. im not pure. i cant handle the touch of another person. i want him to be with me again, he wasnt just lustful, he actually seemed to care about me. he’s held me when i cried. and he sure as hell has a heart worth loving. i miss you, ibr.

– sparklefart539

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My stepmother came into my life right before puberty started for me. My mother died when i was 5 (car crash) and my dad did the best he could on his own. Stepmother was great as well. I dont remember or know at what point a dynamic of what i will call functional began it was sort of background noise. My dad’s job had him travelling constantly so stepmother was primary caretaker for me. I suppose sometimes it seemed like it was she and i against the world with my dad along the way for the ride lol. Anyway as i got older into my teens it was stepmother as my guiding light and who i learned many things about life from including “the talk” when she noticed i seemed anxious or distracted, and she got me to open up and talk about my confusion and what my body was going through. She played it well and made sure i knew she was there for me and to trust in what she described as my body ” figuring itself out”, something i realized as an adult was simply about trying to get me to not worry so much. I began to dream of her in ways that confused me but i was embarassed to tell her about them. Eventually my body forced the issue when i woke up from my first w********. I was terrfied and thought something was physically wrong with that part of me. I was freaked out by waking up on my stomach with a sticky puddle under me and woke her up scared half to death. When she saw what i was talking about on my bedsheet she got me calmed down helped me change my bed and and sat on the toilet while she had me shower to clean up then had me sleep next to her the rest of the night. No matter how she tried though she could not get me over the fear of it happening again so she had me sleep with her nightly simply to comfort and console me. It was months before it happened again and it took a lot of talking to get me able to say that the fuzzy dream was about her. She tried to assure me it was natural and not to be ashamed. But that reoccurence was pivotal. She told me that there was a way to make it not happen in my sleep and freak out so much or feel ashamed but that i needed to trust her guidance completely. A few days later she explained thst it was embarassing to admit but that any male going thru puberty has explicit dreams about some woman in his day to day life but she was not upset that she was the dream subject. She had to push me to get me to explain w******** specifics. She listened and told me those things were all normal. After that talk she left me for a moment then called me to the bathroom. I was stunned to see her in her bra and p****** and telling me to get in the shower with her. She calmly talked me through that experience, gently instructing me in how to explore and learn to give my body pleasure. She talked me thru the fear as my pleasure was so intense and i stopped and told her i was afraid of how it felt and that i was going to pee, and she took my hands in hers and gently pushed me past the fear amd thru that first waking climax by using her hands on my hands. I was freaked out and still fearful so she took charge held me tightly against her and used her hand to push me over the edge and hold me thru it telling me it was ok, just let it happen. I could barely stay on my feet without her holding me up and calming me down. She

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