This is kinda disgusting so please dont read this if you cant handle these things I guess, it’s hard to put this in words but I’ve been deeply desensitized for a long time and it’s only gotten worse, I always crave more tho, gore wasnt enough, disturbing people wasnt enough, I wanted more. When I was 12 years old I went to discord, I searched up “map discord servers” map meaning minor attracted person, and I found a server called the hideout, there were a few other victims, nikki, kairo, and rory, and the main p******** ig he was very known in the server, his real name is Andrew bell. He was grooming all of us, everyone would carve his name in their thighs, send nudes, and the server is still up to this day, full of child p***. But those kids were near my age, boring, so I went to another server and offered my nudes to get links to child p*** and surprisingly it was very easy to gain access to it, I got telegram and joined a group chat, watched child p*** and often masturbated to it, but then I got banned. I went insane, nothing was enough, until I found this guy who went by the name seti. He introduced me to zangi, a texting app. He added me to a group chat called the garden of eden, I was declared the leader of it, “the sluttiest girl” but I soon got bored of the attention, the snuff films or toddlers, the screams, the puffy parts. It wasnt enough anymore. I was then desensitized to child p***, I deleted the app, not because I was scared or regretted it but because I needed storage on my phone, there was so much I didnt have space to use anything. So I deleted it, I still miss it and wonder if I should find them and go back down that rabbit hole again, I know I s*** but I am now 14 about to go to high school and I have no idea what I am anymore, I need something more.

Hello I feel like I need to get something off my chest but I’m ashamed and disgusted with myself.

Three weeks ago I do something totally messed up and looking back on it I’m kind of regretting it

It all started three weeks ago when I was curious one night after college and was watching a movie and half way through decided to have a cheeky tug

Now since I was 14 I’ve been aware of my skin in my Willy not being able to pull all the way back because it’s very tight and I’ve never told anyone about it as my mum passed away during labour and my father passed away in 2023 due to a heart decease so since September 2023 I’ve been living with my step mum (she and my dad got together in 2019 so wasn’t too long )

Now when I say my step mum looks unbelievably attractive I cannot stress enough how beautiful she is for a 34 year old brunette woman who goes gym 3 times a week and is obsessed with routines and stuff.

Now I’m 17 and we live in Essex in the United Kingdom and where I’m from (Essex) it’s the “norm” for women to go all out in make up and dressing to look a million dollars and for the past 3 years I’ve had overwhelming feelings and emotions for her.

Now three weeks ago like I mentioned earlier I was doing my thing when I for some reason felt the urge to try pull my skin back all the way and doing so I managed to get it all the way back but it got stuck .

For about 10 minutes I watched my head of my d*** start to swell up and turn a fright shiny purple and I couldn’t get it unstuck until I orgasmed and I went soft and was able to force my skin back over my head

Anyways, this gave me a crazy idea where I can trick her in to manhandling my d*** and I thought about doing it for days and driving myself crazy in process

So two weeks ago on the Saturday morning around 2am (after I came off my Xbox) I deliberately got myself hard and deliberately forced my skin back and this time waited even longer until I felt seriously uncomfortable

I then got myself worked up in a fake panic and called out her name to come to my room and when she waked in I was laying there with a blanket covering me but I had my legs up as if I was a woman giving birth,

Now when she waked in she was half asleep as I had woken her up but she came in half naked wearing only a black bra and black shorts and she was standing at my bedroom door asking me what was up

I told her I can’t say and she walked over to my bed where I was laying and told me to stop f****** around as it was early hours of the morning and to tell her

So I told her I woke up with a stinging pain in my downstairs area and I acted all embarrassed 😂

I could tell she didn’t know what to say or do but then was like “okay let me have a look and see if I need to take you to a&e and then she started to pull my blanket off of me

I was making out like it was throbbing and sore giving me a justification to why my d*** was moving 😂

She then took a quick look at my d*** and told em she thinks my skin has got stuck and said I needed to try pull it forward but I “tried but couldn’t get a grip as I bite my nails a lot) after watching me struggle she then said to me to move my hand and she then started to do it herself

I had no intentions of what happened next and to be honest I did not expect it but as she slowly put her nail behind my sin to give her a bit of grip, it felt so freaking good that I could top and I orgasmed and it was so hot but so embarrassing

When this happened she turned her head to her side and just said “oh, oh dear it’s ok sweetie”

I don’t get I it much and I get bullied a lot so I just stay at gone gaming and I feel like she thinks I’m sheltered or don’t know what p*** or these things are because when I asked her what happened and what that feeling was she said she did not know and that it wasn’t anything to worry about as I made out like I was scared that I was broken haha

Anyways she took me doctors on the Monday and the doctor told us that it’s likely due to being restless in bed whilst sleeping causing my skin to be pulled back and then during the night I get a b**** and it gets stuck …. Justifying why I am waking up with a hard b**** and stun stuck all the way back

Now after being told my condition (can’t remember the name now but I remember it started with a fimo ) last week pretty much every day I did it, sometimes even twice in the day like on Thursday where I woke her up at 1am and also at 2pm in the afternoon before she went out with her friends for brunch

Now because my skin has not been pulled back until quite recently it’s feet sensitive and even the air being exposed to it feels like a nice tingly feeling making it really easy for me to o***** without hardly any interaction and the fact my step mum is still putting her fingers in my skin on my d*** to stretch it back over the head pats is crazy to me knowing that I know that she knows I’m orgasming and she isn’t saying anything or making it weird

I have also figured a trick that guarantees I can irgasm within seconds without even her needing to touch me by putting a teeny tiny trace amount of toothpaste or Vicks vapour rub on the bottom bit of my head and it tingles and feels so freaking nice it makes me o***** almost instantly and I’ve used this to allow me to o***** on her while she is touching me trying to help me

Unfortunately tho next week Tuesday I am booked in to get sercumsised where they are going to cut it off because I think I’ve taken liberties with this and have put her in a position where she doesn’t have a choice

I was constantly getting boners multiple times a day where she would have to be touching me and there was one occasion where I made myself hard and sore and deliberately layed on my bed pretending to be asleep and the blanket covering my legs but not covering my below area and I was watching her through the reflection of my wardrobe mirrors that allowed me to see her standing at the door and she came in and woke me up to then help me. I definitely think I’ve pushed the limits here but I know I’ll never get this opportunity again so I may aswell milk it right?

Anyways, I’ve done a lot of googling and it says that there is after care for guys that have just been sercumsised so that being said , I know for the first two weeks after I have this done to me I am going to have fun with her taking care of me and I’m looking forward to watching her vent down in between my legs on the day I have it done slowly removing the bandages from my d*** and applying creams and medicines

I know what I did is messed up and I know god will never forgive me for being so f****** messed up but I genuinely can’t help it at this point as now all I can think about is her being by my side watching me get the operation (I asked if she can be present and we were told that it was not a issue at all) and also the few weeks after while I’m recovering and having her nursing me

I plan on continuing getting her to help me with my stuck skin until Tuesday where I’ll be having my last tug before showering and getting ready to go with her to get the procedure done

Until then I will be leaving my door open and deliberately getting spotted sleeping with a b**** and also calling her in to help me because I’m hurting or uncomfortable

I’ll post a update on Friday updating everyone after it’s all done