I can’t keep you so I will find that feeling you give me, everywhere I can. I wish you would let me keep you, but the least I can do to save myself from the existential dread of never having the best thing i’ve ever seen is to find all of that feeling’s components and make them my own. It’s not a good replacement but it will keep my soul alive. Today I found it in a beautiful song through the best headphones I have ever had. I’ll still be searching for that aesthetic arrest. I’m trying hard to find something else that takes my breath away like you do.

You can’t put me through over a year of intermittent frisson and expect me not to notice you or remember you. Nobody else ever made me feel like this and no matter what I did it wouldn’t stop. I don’t think forgetting about you is remotely possible… The hunt for other sources of this crazy feeling is the next best thing. Who else in the world could remotely compare? It’s not that you are perfect, it’s that you are perfect to me, with all your talents and all your weirdness too. It’s perfect weirdness. Time for me to keep trying to move on and survive another day…