Michael Richards from the show Seinfeld once recognized me at a restaurant. “no I’m sure that man has eaten my a****** before!” He bellowed while gesturing at the table with me and my wife. My wife looked humiliated, she knew I sometimes liked fooling around with guys but we never talked specifics.

“No, that blak guy right there, for sure, he tonguefucked my shitbox!”

He said to his gay actor looking friend. He was drunk. This was right after he got in trouble for calling that comedy audience member a “n*****”.

I was frozen.

“No he didn’t..” my wife started, “no he fucked your a** like a b**** and I know because I taped it.”

“Impossible!” Michael Richards sneered.

“Oh?” she asked, “I keep all the tapes. Say it’s impossible again and it’s on the internet tonight… No he had your a** on his c*** like luau pig on a spit” she continued. I’d never seen this side of her.

“Now you’re gonna pay our check or the entire country knows youre a powerbottom for hung n***** daddies like my husband”, my wife demanded, “and I want to see a smile on that waiters face when he sees the tip or the whole world knows your a nelly bottom b****!” She shouted the last few words. This wasn’t Denny’s this was a big sushi meal at Nobu, probably close to $1000.

He paid it and left a 40% tip. Also I later told her that I did in fact grudge f*** Michael Richards’– Kramer’s hairy a******. He bellowed like a drama kid with every stroke, very similar to Wil Wheaton when his chubby muffin a** is being hammered real good during our monthly sessions.

This and more stories will be revealed in my upcoming book:

Lexington Steele: Hollywood Hustler