I’ve been really hurt over a guy and my friends keep telling me that I need to talk to other guys. I tried for a while and it didn’t go well. I ended up just going to bed and ghosting someone so I stopped trying because that’s horrible.

I went to a friends house last night and her son was hanging around. He’s almost 10 years younger than me. I was making a lot of eye contact with him – he’s cute and nothing was going to happen so f*** it, right? At best it’s fun to make him uncomfortable. Any way, he was in and out of the room all night before finally asking if I wanted to hit the bong in his room and we did that several times. Then he started saying that I would be too stoned/tired to drive home. Tired, yes, but too stoned? Hardly. The family offered me a spot on the couch but I didn’t sleep there. I slept in his bed. Ahhhhhhh. That was the closest I’ve come to having s**. I was scared a few times to be honest, I couldn’t tell if it was his fingers or d*** because pressure there is kind of a new thing. He was being a pushy young boy and really wanted s** but I told him no. I let him get the tip in for some relief. He came twice by the time we slept so he was happy I guess.

That was the first time I’ve ever met someone randomly and we were down for each other. What a crazy thing to have happen. I never thought I was going to be spending more than a couple hours there chatting. Fooling around was fun but I think one of the things I liked most was cuddling. I never thought I wanted physical contact. But he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close and I was fine with it. I suppose I might be growing as a person finally.