Recently I’ve been going through some tough times whereby I had to defend myself in a disciplinary actions that was initiated by my former colleague. Two allegations out of three have now been dismissed and I am hopeful that the third one will also be dismissed very soon as I genuinely believe that this claim is a sham stemming out of one’s jealousy or competitiveness.

On top of subjecting me to a great threat on a professional and personal level, this experience has highlighted that I have practically no friends, and almost no one including my family has been truly supportive.

As I was feeling like my professional worth was under a threat, I decided to enhance other aspect of myself and went to get a facelift.

This was a truly weird experience as I didn’t think it through very well. I went to see a doctor for an initial consultation and then subsequently. When I came for the second time, I felt like he was so gentle, so caring with me, that I just wanted to give in, almost in a s***** way. I realised this was a very wrong approach as the matter concerned an operation, but I couldn’t help it – I was so desperate for love and human emotions that all I wanted was for someone to care for me and this seemed like a way to get it.

The operation took place in August and it has now been one month. I am generally happy with the result but am still seeking my doctor to correct bit and pieces. The problem, however, is that every time I am in contact with this doctor, I feel some sort of unity. I enjoy the fact that it is totally legit for him to touch me, and although he is not intending to touch me in a s***** way, I do get a s***** pleasure when he caresses me, albeit in a medical way.

I feel very confused about my life at the moment.