*Warning* The following confession is extremely graphic:

My friend had a pet chimpanzee which which made an insulting gesture to one of my buddies. My buddy punched the chimp and it went a******! Bit a hole in his face. We tried to overwhelm the chimp with sheer numbers (there were four of us). One of my friends got his hand bitten off and the other got his nuts ripped off. I came after it fast and it ripped most of the skin off my face and tore my arm nearly off. Still determined, we fought on until the chimp ate our g*******. Finally we ran away as fast as we could to avoid further injury. The chimp got us and sodomized each of us with a 🍌 banana