got caught in a web of lies. pretty hard to escape from. had to break it up before it escalates into something more. aka from hard, cold experimentation to helping people. pft. how lame.
it started as some sort of social experiment, thinking how people act differently when faced with different people. it’s not wise to use people for such things without their knowledge, but it’s easier to do so. i know that it isn’t exactly “morally right”, but i didn’t had any malicious intentions, it was pure curiosity. i had the itch to test out my hypothesis. see how far they act from people who are very different from each other.
made multiple “characters”. different personalities and backstories. at first they ended up quite the same. not exactly replicas of each other but almost cookie cutter like. too shallow to be “human”. i decided that they needed more depth so i added more emotions. taking on the character itself, living the lie as if i was that character.
it’s a miracle, how i managed to pull it off despite being an idiot. i almost got caught multiple times, but i learn from my mistakes. learning how to create intricate lies, digging myself deeper into-
it wasn’t always easy. there are times where i thought of things like, “why am i doing this?”, “what do i learn from this?”,”what do i get out of this?” also the emotional attachment; a very humane flaw.
a girl came by. got too attached. seems like she favors my male characters more than my female ones because she’s in need of a better older brother figure. her older brother is s*****, not as much as me, but s***** in ways that made her so emotionally scattered and weak. she eventually matured mentally, since i taught her philosophical s*** with one character who’s morally good… guilt got the best of me i guess? to make up with the lies, i tried to teach her good things, tried to make her have a more positive outlook in life. it worked until i had to go.
i had to go. as much as she’s matured in thinking, there were still parts of her that was problematic. funny for me to say that, i know, i’m being a hypocrite. but she was becoming emotionally draining, mentally too. her possessiveness of me was becoming a bit too much. but i dealt with her patiently. making sure she continues being a good person from all the morals and philosphical s*** i told her. hopefully she still does right now. took 5 characters.
then there was another one. a guy who has a strained relationship with his parents just coz he’s gay. tbfh, his parents were assholes at first. but i get them, in a fucked up way. different generation equals a whole nother level of thinking. he was pretty chill. chiller than the gal since he wasn’t all possessive. told him to get a chance to talk with the ma and pa seriously. he can’t live with his bf forever and not f****** attend school, that’s like throwing a big “f*** you” to your future and it just doesn’t sit right with me. it’s meddling, i know, but hey! they managed to get that s*** fixed even if it did end up with crying. glad that his parents had a change of heart. it’s why i used “were assholes” lmao. he let me go without arguing. 2 characters.
after that, i continued with other people. being some sort of lying p************ who teaches and helps kids (kids i say even if i’m considered as a “kid” myself). it was rewarding but draining.
rewarding coz you see problematic, sad and/or fucked up kids getting better. you see it through the way they type and s***. better if you talk via call and hear the change in their voice. but ofc i can’t be certain if it’s true. seeing as i can hide as many things behind a screen, they can too. hopefully they did get better.
what i learned: some people just needs someone who listens and advices well. also that people act more open if you show concern. “how the f*** do you do that via chats?” i don’t know. just show them that you care.
what i regret: lying so badly one time that i have to result to catfishing. sorry at that random gal whose photo i “borrowed”.
what i don’t regret: helping those lil shits out. even if some started all prickly and edgy, they managed to mellow up, thank god.
this turned out to be weird. like some fucked up version of a disney movie that teaches kids lessons while lying. well s***. been awake for almost 43 hours so excuse me if i made mistakes.
p.s. this whole thing is fucked up. i know, love. tell me something i don’t.
p.p.s. the months wasted while doing that was worth it. the guilt? not. but hey, those times spent in between part time and school was fun. learning about human behavior is fun.