had to leave an online business meeting to take a shit

9 years

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had to leave an online business meeting to take a s***

New Confession

SCP #4
Pumpkill King of the pumpkins.
This is not a Halloween Jacko lantern, instead something straight from a nightmare in the deepest pits of hell. It feeds on souls of humans that carve pumpkins, and chews on entire families like candy.
It is said that every time it eats another soul, another pumpkin seed is planted, if Pumpkil is crushed it’s mind is moved over to the next pumpkin making it unkillable.
Pumpkil is powered by dark magic, and a black flame inside of its core burning since the night it was lit in the early 1200s.

SCP #4
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Related Confessions

Re: wife makes me wear a rubber, perhaps you’d like to try my BODACIOUS BACKSNATCH at my alligator fuckshack where RAW IS LAW 🚫 NO CONDOMS ALLOWED!

Unlike your wife if you don’t fill my enchanted end with your guy gravy I’ll be mad!

Corvallus Bronson Winslow III

And yes Charlie Adelson was a big-time cumslut at Cleo’s back in the day. Huge backbush not nearly as fragrant as mine they called hmm Gnarly Charlie.