My grandfather groomed me when I was thirteen.

I was very insecure about my body, and I confided in him, and he touched me inappropriately. At the beginning, I didn’t know what to make of it. He told me I was desirable. I wanted to believe it.

For a whole year after, I went to him and let him do anything he wanted with me, minus penetration. He said the risk of pregnancy was too big at my age. That he’d have me after I had s** with another man. I was addicted to feeling the way he made me feel, and hated myself for it. I tried to kill him twice.

My mother never knew.

He passed away from a stroke. He was with me (doing things to me) when it happened. I pretended I didn’t know. When I went back to his room, it was already too late.