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you know precisely, Stefan, how you deceived me. I dont have to tell you. Right? also, choosing my birthday? wow. why not just wave a big red flag you´re a narcissist.  , it´s really screaming “I told her to do that today because I have a toxic personality and I only feel good when I treat someone like crap, cause it makes me feel like I am in control when I cannot control myself.”. it just proves your own worth and I´m glad you finally revealed it.  Im grateful to realise what is dead weight in my life and a useless burden, and who are the people worth my love and affection. clarity. something that was never there ever since I first met you.    always confused, uncertain, scared what you might do next. it is a wonderful thing to have clarity. Thank you for this. 
but I know you…I have this really eerie feeling. there is never a person you do not end up destroying. thats like a default setting for you. and if that should happen, I am on her side, not yours. just know that. and I would testify for anybody whose heart you end up breaking. haven´t we been there before? with others? and where are they…thrown away like rags. I hope all goes well for the sake of everyone else you fooled over the years, but I dont have too much faith in that.  
 Im going to apologize to myself for trusting and supporting you. I couldnt have known, and im not to blame. just dont want to think I somehow helped you hurt and lie to people, cause that would really be awful. if you do anything bad, then  it is also a stain on my conscience. 

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One time my art therapist was holding her pee during dnd, this was shortly after she learned that I was into pee desperation, so january 2026. I was playing rain music. She was squirming like mad less than an hour in. At one point she shifted in her seat and opened her mouth and eyes wide in surprise, a real uh oh face. Break time came and she chose not to pee. So at about 70 or 80 minutes in, she gets up to go pee. Mind you she normally held it for 130 minutes. Well the dm tells her to update her character sheet before she goes and she says “OK, but I have to pee like no other.” I said “Damn…” and then “Why are you still here then.” And she just kinda went blank and said “What?” And I was like “Nevermind.” She came back from the bathroom reeking like piss and clearly going commando cause she had a sudden cameltoe that wasnt there before. Someone mentioned that it smelled like a litter box and i said “You smell piss? Oh yeah, I smell it too!” Pretty sure she had to throw out her p****** cause they were soaked in piss. She did that because she has a condition that makes it hard for her to have s** and i told her if she couldn’t f*** she’d have to indulge my o******* kink for pee desperation and wetting. She proceeded to hold it during dnd every week after that for 10 months, minus like 6 weeks. I remember many times she was clearly desperate to pee. A couple of times she jumped in her seat and sharply inhaled. Many times she would cross and uncross her legs and kick her feet repeatedly before tightly crossing her legs at the knee. One time after squirming she had a wet spot on her b*** and she leaned over the counter to let me see. Before any of this, we were playing dnd in like 2024 or 2025 and she was like “Hold on, I need to pee.” And I said ” Not allowed” and she jokingly said “Wanna come?” to me, in front of another client.