Im tired . I just need to turn off the puter and rest

4 years

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New Confession

even when there’s so many people around me i feel so lonely. i feel like ive always been there for the little things in everyone elses’ life that i forget to be there for myself. ever since my first breakup 3 years ago i’ve always felt like there was an empty void to feel. not the kind of empty void that another person fills but the kind where im ok with my own presence. all my talking stages feel like i’m chasing someone just to make them love me. everyone says im pretty, kind, and caring but i don’t know what im missing that someone else has. maybe its the way i give talking stages my all and the way i show up even when they hurt me hoping that they’ll change. i want a love thats genuine and gentle with my broken heart. not because im desperate but because i want to feel loved the way i love others. im blessed to have a soft heart again and again even when it feels like it should be hard as stone.

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Only if you knew the truth behind everything.

It’s been 5 or 6 years since we broke up. I loved you so much, but your parents and relatives were my biggest problem at that time. It reached the point where I had to let you go because I didn’t have the strength to fight for you anymore.

If you only knew the words they threw at me. I was scared, but I also wanted to respect them because they are your family. So I made a plan to let you go and get a girlfriend immediately, hoping that you would move on from me and forget about me. After we broke up, you even created new accounts just to talk and communicate with me, even though I had already blocked you.

I know why you thought I cheated on you. Someone told you that I did, but that’s not true. It’s up to you if you believe me or not.

When I said, “Dalawa jowa ko,” that was the time your parents were sending me messages again, so I had to fake it. I had to pretend, even to my friends and your friends, that I had already moved on.

But I really, really loved you.

I know you’re in a relationship now, and I respect that. But do you remember the two times we met again? I know you felt something too, because I did. I really felt something. My feelings came back.

But I don’t want anyone to get hurt, and I don’t want to interfere with your relationship. As much as I want to be selfish, I also want to be mature about it. So I’ll just let things happen naturally until our paths collide again.

I love you.