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Your parents aren’t rich.

I think disliking people is normal and alright. I prefer being a loner. It was not always that way but at this point in my life and for some time, I prefer to be a loner.

It was just recently, within the past few years, I ghosted the last remaining friend, the friend I have seriously known almost 40 years. 37 years. He actually loved next door to my aunt in this town I didn’t live in but eventually did and we ended up in the same class, and didn’t get along either. He was a d***, challenging me, the new kid. I remember one time he pushed it on me actually smacked me, walking home from school, razzimg me, he smacked me in the head, I turned around, grabbed him into a head lock, flipped us both to the ground and just held him there … U til he cried uncle. He was nothing big, scrawny dorky guy. But after that, we became buds. Throughout life. Teens, 20’s, separate for a few years, run I to each other. He’s married, grown adult kids.

Recently though, he came across to me as siding with or taking my issues I have with other buds, as a joke. Kind of snickered. Laughed at what my issue was. I asked him of he talked to that one guy recently, in not a nice way. I might have even asked him “so, have you talked to that f****** f***** lately” told him what my issue was, something fired me up, which is why I asked. He laughed and made the point that it was a long time ago.

Which was enough for me. Reason being, I can’t have this dude I considered a friend, reporting what I am up to anyone.

Just because. It’s the principle. I can’t have that and I’m not so sure he won’t be. So that was it for me, there. I never looked back. It’s unfortunate, I mean, we have nothing in communication n really. I just go over there and drink one 🕜 f hi s beers and sit there. Him and the wife. She loves me too. I just can’t be sure. Unfortunately. There’s others I’ve kept distant from too because of that, and it’s nothing against them. I’m not walking away going “you’re a f****** a******, I’m not having with you, I just need to distance myself from a few others who I consider toxic.

I’m alright with that too. I prefer to actually be alone. I’ve come to that. So it’s easy for me to just not like people, and leave it at that. If we need to get

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Idk if this happens commonly or if i am just very very unlucky. My father passed away 9 years before my mother. When she passed it was time to clean out the home they lived in for over 30 years of a 60 year marriage. My father took his camera with him all over the world in the military. Still camera and 8mm. Boxes and boxes of slides and reels. I simply saved them and set them aside for later. I got time months later and got one of those 35mm slide to jpg scanners and just ground thru them. When i got them all scanned i got a later chance to prop my feet up and go thru them. Amongst all the widespread scenery and travel and cool vintage moments i stumble across pics of my mother. Many of them simple poses in many places, mostly outdoors, she was actually a modestly attractive classic pinup type. But then i run into the lingerie shots. And then the tasteful n u d e s indoors and outdoors. And then the real shocker. On any scale my mother was the classic church going uppity prudish b**** woth zero tolerance for bawdy or suggestive behavior or language. Hell sometimes i would say something crude just to push her uptight buttons. You would not believe how bent out of shape she got when she found evidence of my first s** dream on the sheets. Or at least what i ever saw from her was that way.

But i see hundreds of shots that are full bore graphic. Nothing artful about them. Spread shots, bendovers, hands between her legs, and then actually having s**. But in none of them is my father the man she is havimg s** with. He was obviously behind the camera. Some of them? A minister i recognize because she used to drag me to church all the time. Neighbors or friends of my parents that i remember. . It just kept piling on. Shots of my mother having lesbian s** with my aunt, my father’s older sister. Shots of my mother with other women i dont recognize, shots of my aunt with some of the same women. Shots of my mother with multiple men. Def did not wake up that or any day expecting or wanting to see pics of my mother getting spitroasted or used by a group of men and pretty much looking like she is having a grand time. When i do manage to force myself to power thru them all, hypocrtically, my parents were both moderately racist, but the handful that did have my father in them? He was having s** with a few different women, all african american women, except for one woman. His f****** sister, the same aunt i saw shots of my mother having s** with.

The s***** part was having to go through all of them because i did not want to risk losing family photos or memories or history that were NOT my parents’ s** escapades. At that point i accepted that the stack of 8mm movies might be similar. And i was right. The huge majority of them were my mother and the various random men my mother was having s** with, but some of the men were not in the still shot stack. No decent family movies at all sadly, the whole lot except 3 of the 8mm were either my mother and who tf knows who the men were, or great, a lesbian movie with my same aunt. The 3 exceptions? A mix of my parents doing foursomes with two diff couples. Both of those couples i knew/ remembered as family friends, i had grown up with their kids. In both cases wife swapping with my parents. And the crown jewel…..obviously sarcastically….my dad with my mother and aunt.

Look don,t get me wrong, i am nowhere near a prude, we all have our little quirks and kinks. I am not judging any of them, it was theie thing to do. I confess i had a few queasy reactions because the stills and movies span a time from before i or my sister were even born, to a time when we were mid 30s, which put my parents and aunt in their 70s. Hell i hope i am still having s** when i am that age.

By the time i was done, i had one focus…..there was not a condom in sight in any of it. Was my father actually my father? Is my sister my full sister or half sister? Do i have half siblings i dont even know somewhere? How glad am i that i have never done the spit in a tube ancestry or 23 and me thing, because i do not want to fall into that vortex of doom?