4 years
x
103 Views

i am more at a recovery stage then a rant stage. It’s not even that serious but I am just shocked at how my views are changing now. I used to have this mindset you must be amazing at one thing and another person can be amazing at another thing but not what you’re good at. And that grew into me becoming a narscissit and wanting to be better then everyone at everything. My friend said “I’m going to start writing.” When i got home that day, I tried multiple times to write good stories, even though I don’t like to write, just to make myself feel valid. But I really don’t need to do that. I am special and talented just the way I am I can learn stuff if I want but I shouldn’t be upset when others do that too. I know a few people who have similar problems and just watching it happen now is making me feel silly. A few weeks ago my friend mentioned how she tripped in dance class and my other friend was like ‘ha what you dance?’ Recently she has said she wants to take up dance classes. My other friend said she also was gonna start dancing and that friend was just like bruh rlly. So now I see through her no shade to her but i can tell but now I see how i was and i don’t wanna be that person
Cuz really deep down narscissits just dont feel comfortable in themselves and feel pressure to one up everybody. but i am fine jsut the way I am not being exceptional in every single thing. I laugh thinking about it now. I used to remember “Oh only I should be good at singing, all my other friends should s*** at singing.’ Not me gatekeeping singing…. Anyway I’m truly glad I am over this now. I will try my best going forward to accept whoever does what whenever and truly from the bottom of my heart feel proud and happy. And i will grow on my own deciding what I like and want to try, not based off just being better then someone else. And to my narcissistic friends, maybe you’ll find this or maybe not. Hopefully you can change like I strive to and have a positive mindset. Bc being a narscisst made me a bothersome little fellow and I’m still a little fellow, but my own type!

New Confession

Related Confessions

Idk if this happens commonly or if i am just very very unlucky. My father passed away 9 years before my mother. When she passed it was time to clean out the home they lived in for over 30 years of a 60 year marriage. My father took his camera with him all over the world in the military. Still camera and 8mm. Boxes and boxes of slides and reels. I simply saved them and set them aside for later. I got time months later and got one of those 35mm slide to jpg scanners and just ground thru them. When i got them all scanned i got a later chance to prop my feet up and go thru them. Amongst all the widespread scenery and travel and cool vintage moments i stumble across pics of my mother. Many of them simple poses in many places, mostly outdoors, she was actually a modestly attractive classic pinup type. But then i run into the lingerie shots. And then the tasteful n u d e s indoors and outdoors. And then the real shocker. On any scale my mother was the classic church going uppity prudish b**** woth zero tolerance for bawdy or suggestive behavior or language. Hell sometimes i would say something crude just to push her uptight buttons. You would not believe how bent out of shape she got when she found evidence of my first s** dream on the sheets. Or at least what i ever saw from her was that way.

But i see hundreds of shots that are full bore graphic. Nothing artful about them. Spread shots, bendovers, hands between her legs, and then actually having s**. But in none of them is my father the man she is havimg s** with. He was obviously behind the camera. Some of them? A minister i recognize because she used to drag me to church all the time. Neighbors or friends of my parents that i remember. . It just kept piling on. Shots of my mother having lesbian s** with my aunt, my father’s older sister. Shots of my mother with other women i dont recognize, shots of my aunt with some of the same women. Shots of my mother with multiple men. Def did not wake up that or any day expecting or wanting to see pics of my mother getting spitroasted or used by a group of men and pretty much looking like she is having a grand time. When i do manage to force myself to power thru them all, hypocrtically, my parents were both moderately racist, but the handful that did have my father in them? He was having s** with a few different women, all african american women, except for one woman. His f****** sister, the same aunt i saw shots of my mother having s** with.

The s***** part was having to go through all of them because i did not want to risk losing family photos or memories or history that were NOT my parents’ s** escapades. At that point i accepted that the stack of 8mm movies might be similar. And i was right. The huge majority of them were my mother and the various random men my mother was having s** with, but some of the men were not in the still shot stack. No decent family movies at all sadly, the whole lot except 3 of the 8mm were either my mother and who tf knows who the men were, or great, a lesbian movie with my same aunt. The 3 exceptions? A mix of my parents doing foursomes with two diff couples. Both of those couples i knew/ remembered as family friends, i had grown up with their kids. In both cases wife swapping with my parents. And the crown jewel…..obviously sarcastically….my dad with my mother and aunt.

Look don,t get me wrong, i am nowhere near a prude, we all have our little quirks and kinks. I am not judging any of them, it was theie thing to do. I confess i had a few queasy reactions because the stills and movies span a time from before i or my sister were even born, to a time when we were mid 30s, which put my parents and aunt in their 70s. Hell i hope i am still having s** when i am that age.

By the time i was done, i had one focus…..there was not a condom in sight in any of it. Was my father actually my father? Is my sister my full sister or half sister? Do i have half siblings i dont even know somewhere? How glad am i that i have never done the spit in a tube ancestry or 23 and me thing, because i do not want to fall into that vortex of doom?