should I break up with my boyfriend?

before I say anything else, I would say that I’m not a good hearted partner to him. I would constantly blame him for my health whenever I feel overwhelmed with my thoughts because I couldn’t control myself, that I was the one who makes his mental health worsen every time I messed things up. (like humiliated him behind his back, making myself as a victim in the vents from a friend that me and he knwos etc.) all because I was too overwhelmed. And im just a 14 y/o and he’s probably half 17 y/o than me so you know why I would do such dumb and toxic things to him. I still don’t understand relationships yet and I don’t even know what I’m doing without noticing that im just hurting him.

so yeah- im a dumbass and this leads to a REALLY BIG incident between us that… makes me feel like that I wanted to break up our relationship because I couldn’t feel the love there and felt like it won’t work out, he keeps doing things that makes me feel sad or uncomfortable like he is done with me accidentally falling asleep multiple times in the chat (I know he is sad that he wants to spend time with me but sometimes I wanted to sleep so bad which is why I have insomnia problems.) and other things, that’s because he used to follow his popular friend who used to give him toxic advices because he doesn’t understand relationships very well like me and even though he stopped doing that, he still continues to do some of those things. I don’t hate him because of this really, it’s just that I’m tired everything he says to me and felt like I need to break up with him but of course, I’m just being too soft myself and I don’t want to break his heart but should I really break up with him? I’m trying to change but I’m always this same dumb self and I couldn’t forgive myself for what I have done to my partner. I don’t even know why he keeps staying with me for what I have literally done to him, hell he even says that he wishes to leave me and the internet because of the incident. He doesn’t deserve me, I really don’t understand relationships at most time but sure hell it really hurts so much.

please I need some honest comments about this, I do not care if you speak about my bad side of myself. Whether if I should really break up with him or not (advices are welcomed, I also really need those too.)