After my last long term relationship ended when I was 42 I spent 5 years dating, usually disastrously. I then spent 4 years single, until menopause hit when I was 51. I decided I wasn’t finished yet! And decided to go on tinder, basically looking for a man I could like spending time with and having a s***** relationship with, no intention of anything more. I met a man online and realised he was making me smile so decided to meet him, this happened the day after we started talking online. I’ll call him Sam. In the original chat he said he was separated after 30 years but at our first meeting he confessed he was still living in the same house as his wife, they were still technically married and they hadn’t had s** for about 10 years. I wasn’t that bothered as it was meant to be a casual relationship. However we really clicked very quickly and within weeks had fallen in love. Now came the bad feelings regarding his marital status and the guilt, anger and sadness. The first few months were difficult as well as wonderful, both of us falling deeper in love and also feeling as if life wasn’t fair and wishing things were different. I also had some health issues and he had problems with work so it’s incredible it lasted and survived. After about 9 months things began to improve, with me realising that no matter what, I wanted to be with this incredible man who made me so happy, and him becoming more understanding of my feelings and being much more sensitive and loving. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I’m sure things will work out well.
So you think my confession is about having a relationship with this married man…
But that’s not all…
About 6 months ago, that is a year into my relationship with Sam, I got back in touch with my first boyfriend. I’ll call him Colin. We had known each other at school from age 11, dated after we left school from age 16 to 18, then I finished it to be with someone else. We lost touch for years, I moved away, and heard about each other’s lives via friends and family. It wasn’t until I moved back to my hometown that we met again, and even though he was married and I was in a long term but long distance relationship, we had s** a few times. I then ended it again, feeling guilty about the situation. I wasn’t his first affair. A few years later the same happened again. It had been about 3 years since we had talked when we met again 6 months ago. At first, because I was so happy in my relationship with Sam, we were just friends who went for drives, coffee, texted jokes to each other. However I knew he wanted to have a physical relationship, and we started one about 3 months ago. We’ve only been s******* involved half a dozen times, and the s** is good, although not 10% like what Sam and I have. I like Colin and he makes me feel desirable, it is purelI’ve been trying