4 years
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One time I saw my dad
And he was lookin’ like the mascot from the Cheetos brand
I’m talkin’ ’bout the dude that’s basically a cheetah man
He loves spicy corn snacks, and he’s been banned from Japan
But just like any good father, he would hold my hand
When I got hurt, we’d take the Cheeto van
The hospital has a lane for special Cheeto vans
And the highway has a lane for special Cheeto vans
The moral of the story is to stop pretending
That your dad isn’t actually Steven Williams
You’re probably like, “Who the f*** is Steven Williams?”
That’s the CEO of Fritos that I Googled for this song
And I tricked you into thinking that I knew who that is
But when I saw his picture, I know who that is
Hе’s my father, he’s the mothеr f****** Cheeto man
And together we can do it, but not in Japan
Japan
He’s been banned
He’s not allowed (He’s not allowed)
In Japan anymore
Dad
This is “Dad 3”
And you wouldn’t believe
What it’s like after three dads
It’s the best
One time I saw my dad
And he was lookin’ like the person who had raised me right
Taught me to be respectful and to never fight
Except that Kellogg’s b**** who brags about bein’ right
And everything in his world is so f****** great
When he goes to Japan, he gets past the gate
The security line doesn’t waste his time
I wish that that father was mine

New Confession

Mom’s going to have my frenulum removed. She took me to two women physicians and they are lesbians. One looks a lot like a guy.

They examined my co ck told mom it’s a good idea to snip out my frenulum. My frenulum runs from between the two haves of my co ck head and then down my co ck about an inch along the pink inner foreskin.

They told mom they would cut it all off starting up at the head and running down the shaft. The doctor who looks like a guy told mom that she should remove the inner foreskin altogether. She wants to prune it all so it’s all one color and she said she’d do it so it’s as taunt as a drum. Mom just nodded in approval. The doctor said I approved too because my co ck was sticking up hard.

The physician said they would cauterize it with a hot needle. She said this is what I need to stop my compulsive rubbing and tugging on it. I don’t know what they are going to do to it. The doctor said I’ll appreciate it after it is circumcised again, but this time done correctly. She said it will feel much better after she is done with it and it will be much less of a problem and much less troublesome.

She told mom it will look nicer after all the pink skin is snipped, clipped and removed along with the frenulum and tightened up. Mom said yes it needs to be done.

They wrote stuff in the chart about my co ck and how they are going to cut it. Then mom signed the paper to have it done. Mom said it is her decision to make and she has decided to have it properly pruned. Mom said when the doctors are done it will be the way she wants it.

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