I will forever love this girl.

I met her in high school. It was love at first sight.
She was my first kiss.
We never dated but we shared a lot of amazing memories from times spent together.
I think that she never saw me as much as a friend. I accepted it.
We lost sight when I had my first long term relationship by the age of 19.
My gf of that time was jealous af and I cut contact with her, for 3 years.
She was the first person I turned back to when this shitshow was over.
Past the first time of happiness, I then thought that we went in way too different ways and thought that I was mistaken about her. I saw her as a mere acquaintance after a few months, despite some amazing memories built again.

Then, i went into a very long, special relationship with an amazing girl who was nothing like her.
Something felt off but with time my feelings grew and I felt as if this girlfriend was the love of my life.
We stuck together for 9 years in a chaotic relation. We went through litteral hell. She was left alone by everyone, taking care of her sick crazy mother. I stuck by her side because I loved her. Then, after her mother passed away, all of her familly and friends came back to her life. She then dumped me after 4 monthes saying that she our relation had been dead for at least a year and a half, and that she might have never loved me to begin with…

I was destroyed. I lost it all. I lost hope. I lost my home. My will to live. And tbh, Im still recovering.

But recently I had an occasion to she her back. This girl I loved in highschool. It was amazing.
I know I cant keep on fantasize on an hypotetical relationship with her, because I know that she does not love me.
But as friendly was our meeting, her eyes. Damn. Her eyes. I felt like I.. was drowning in the blue of her eyes. As if they never faded. These feelings I hold back then, 15 years ago.
And I know I cant expect anything. But damn, she healed me, just by being in front of me, of this breakup that I felt I would never come back.
It was like.. coming back home.
We both grew, yet our bond felt stronger to me. For the first time in years I felt like myself. Like I could say anything going through my mind without being judged, our sense of humour is the same, our visions of things too. It felt incredible.
I think I might love her to my death.
May be it is just an illusion, my brain trying to cope, I dunno. May be once again, we will lose contact after a few months.
But I felt right and cured.

Thanks god for allowing me to see her again.
I know not to expect anything but it is enough to me.
I saw what could have been and what could be, with her or maybe someone else, but I realised love could be really different from what I though these last years. I went astray, and she is my angel, she made me saw the light just by being there, in front of me, and she will never know.