i drank a whole pot of coffee over the course of the past couple hours trying to induce psychosis in myself. im not psychotic but ive noticed over the past few years im somewhat predisposed to it as when i was younger i would make up wild things in my head, like when i was walking up to my front door i would imagine there was a car behind me chasing me and i had to get to my door so i wouldnt get run over, and i knew it wasnt true but i could feel the part of my brain that wasnt making it up being convinced of it and responding as if it was true, and i could almost feel it behind me. theres a lot of other things like that. its kind of thrilling for me, not in an adrenaline way but in a kind of sick fascination way where i want to see how fucked up i can get. i can be very good at convincing myself of things. the reason im trying to do this is because i saw a major spoiler for a manga im really into and usually i dont care about spoilers but it was a major character death and it actually made me so upset that im trying to f*** with my brain badly enough that either the memory will be lost or corrupted or i wont be able to tell if its real or not