I despise him so much, he degraded my life so much. I hate it when he even tries to touch me, I hate looking at his face. He is horrible jackass who should have never married. He is never there for me in any form or way except for basic needs. Junk food is cheap n we can afford only cheap things because most of the money is spent on his gadgets. Our disabled son won’t even like to be near him. His mental n physical abuse has broken me so much n the strain of caring for my son has left me anxious n depressed. I have stopped caring for myself, I try to overcome these demons n get better but it’s f****** hard. He sits n slacks while his mum do everything for him so he is always at her place, it’s a blessing in a way that I don’t have to see his devil face! He won’t take his diabetes medicine n he might die in his 40s. I just get so angry but I don’t know what to do n I just someone to love me n treat me well just for once. I regret giving birth to my son n exposing him to this kind of life, I just live to care for this kid n I feel very guilty about him. My selfishness to have a child resulted into his life. I keel fighting these suicidal thoughts because I want to live for my son n give him enough love till I die.