I’m feeling sick of it all! Sick of being pulled in too many directions and sick of having no sense of direction for myself either. I spend ten hours of my day coddling the f****** irrefutable H, two more of my hours driving to and from Saddler, and 8 hours trying to get enough rest just to get myself by. What, you may ask, do I do with the other FOUR hours of my 24-hour day???? Try to spend some quality time with my D. I’m sick of trying to be positive when I have no time to nurture myself. I am and always have been an innately negative person and why should I feel shame in that? In my most innate nature? F*** positivity. F*** all of these responsibilities that have been piled on me with little or none of my own consent. And yes that’s life, that’s the point of course. We don’t choose any of it, we are BORN into it we are FORCED to play the f****** stupid capitalistic game and be happy with our hard work. And yes Hard Work is fulfilling and can make one happy but it’s also so HARD and I am so isolated here and while I am so grateful for all of the opportunities and the things that I do have I also mourn what could be and the freedoms I am missing out on because I take on more than I can handle and agree to things I shouldn’t agree to. My qualm is how are we supposed to be happy and live free and be ourselves when we are so bogged down by society, family, and responsibility ?????????? I want to be a recluse and fantasize about moving away to a place where no one knows my name and I can make a fresh start on my own terms. This is going to take some time but one day, ONE DAY I WILL GET THERE.
Good luck b******.