I am sorta catholic and I try to avoid thinking about it, I only go to church now and then. I dont hate catholics, not all of them. I just don’t know if its the greatest thing. I do like a lot about the church, I wish I had done even more choir and alter stuff and been a better student etc. I could have married a priest but I would rather go into the vatican myself and see it and experience it. Study something and research work that means something to me. I don’t even know if god means that much to me these days. part of me does. Just to go there and be invited in and study and set a research paper etc and find some more meaning to my faith and life would be good. I don’t know how to see it. Tell the head people of the church all the problems for the people down below. Not sure. I have private time to talk or listen to god and I don’t know if he is such a sincere dude to be honest. I think he must be a s*** head to me. cuz he left me up in the crap house with no love and future and it s**** and its not like I was that bad a person. being catholic is challenging for me because I followed the dam opus dei philosophies before I knew it was a thing. I didn’t know it was a thing but I was doing that s***. that is what shocks me.