i am so close to commiting.
I’ve attempted twice but they werent real proper attempts. Im so close to actually doing it, I have written the letters except the ones for my family, i have nothing to say to them. I’ve already set a date, a time, a when ,etc. Although the dates are close, i think about doing it today, right now. I used to be clean from SH, i was so close to a year, I was at 324 days and then I ruined it. Everyday I cannot stop cutting my thigh, I feel terrible that ive ruined it but now i am gonna do it more. I cant stop, everything keeps getting worse, a really important plan got cancelled, then one of my books got ruined, then i find a terrible rumour is going around that was spread by a friend I trusted, and i didnt expect them to do that but they did. I think i failed one of my tests and I see no point in continuing, i feel so empty, people ask me where do you see yourself in ten years or whats your future job but i cant even think if im gonna make it to summer. Everything in my life has gone wrong. I cant seem to ever be okay, from the moment i was born my life went downhill. both my parents died, i was a victim of csa and bullying and now ive gotten into drugs and substances at only 15, i want to be gone already. goodbye