I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 2 months ago, then found out 3 weeks later that she was pregnant. I want her to so badly get an abortion, I told her if she didn’t then I would kill myself (which wasn’t a lie, I have been in a very dark place and would still potentially do that). I wasn’t to guilt her into it, I’ve been feeling actually suicidal and it’s been terrifying and depressing. I’m desperate because I don’t want to die, and maybe its that fear that caused me to not care how bad telling her that is, I have felt so appalled by telling her that. But 2 nights ago, she came into my dorm to talk to me because I really needed company (it was a very hard night), and we ended up getting flirty and close, and having all our feelings start rushing back and saying how we still love each other but we aren’t right for each other (thats what I say, she wants to get back together and I don’t know). We ended up making out and stripping down and doing hand stuff and being intimate and close. She left at 4 am (was in my room for 9 hours), but she came back again last night to tell me about an appointment she had for an adoption agency (her mom forced her to go, she doesn’t want to do adoption she says) and we ended up having s** last night, and she slept in my bed. This morning we woke up and had s** again and kissed a lot. She tells me to trust her in sorting out the baby, she won’t do anything that would cause me to hurt myself she says. I think she’s going to get an abortion. And I still love her and want to get back together deep down, but am scared that nothing will change, she says she understands why I broke up with her, and she knows how toxic she was and how it would be different. I don’t want to rekindle our loving connection if well just get hurt and itll be messier afterwards.