4 years
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Even tho i am a “hetero” married male i love the way older men 50s and on up look at me and stumble over their words when they have the nerve to start a conversation in public where ever they see me. Often they just look and low level stalk me thru a store or in a restaurant. I always start flirting and when they respond to it i get aggressive quickly. After taking a look around for safety I will discreetly place my hand against their crotch and feel them hard. At that point even though they approached me they lose their predatory instincts and i am now the “predator”. If it is safe from view I will simply keep my hand on their clothed erection and slowly squeeze or rub my hand up and down as their eyes go wide then roll back in their head. Sometimes i will demurely ask if they want to go to their place or even to their car. But even if they are too nervous and hesitate I will always whisper to them that i know what they want. Several times even on those that are too afraid to go somewhere i will guide them to a safer more discreet spot and stroke squeeze and rub them off in their pants. Perhaps if the location is safe enough opening their fly for direct contact. I love making older men squirt in the palm of my hand and their expression when I lick their c** off my hand. Perhaps if a great location I will kneel and take them in my mouth when they are ready to shoot. But hand or blow jobs in their cars if they will not let me follow them to their place is the norm. I always reassure them it will be much better if we go to their place. Tbh my biggest immediate turn on is when they approach me and tell me that they know what i am and what i want. The worst thing i have to do aside from be alert to whether they are safe to do this with, is to make sure that i do not drink anything after or wash my hands because while it was an accident that slipped my mind the first time it happened when I got home and kissed my wife without thinking, her eyes were huge when she pulled back after tasting the lingering taste in .y mouth. I figured it was a relationship ender but she jumped me and open mouth kissed me to taste it again and ended up on my back with her f****** me senseless as she rode me. Figured there would be a talk, and actually secretly hoped for a t******** with her and another man, but it remains at what she appears comfortable with and turned on by. The taste and scent of another man’s c** in my mouth or on my hands, and then regardless of position, her instantly being ready to f*** to the point of insanity. And the things she says as we do….the most common being some form of “f*** me f*****” or “f*** me you filthy cocksucker.”

New Confession

I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf

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