I don't miss you anymore like I used to. I don't feel bad now like I used to. I am ok with anything nothing bothers now. I simply write because it has

4 years

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I don’t miss you anymore like I used to.
I don’t feel bad now like I used to.
I am ok with anything nothing bothers now.
I simply write because it has become my habit.
But I don’t want to put your face on it it’s better to be blank than filling up with some undeserving one.
Love for you doesn’t flow I feel so cold thinking about loving but I cherish the feeling of love- the feeling that is magical doesn’t care for your reciprocation or any human touch watsoever. I simply feel happy thinking about love it’s such a beautiful feeling.
I just brush my thoughts away when it takes to you because I don’t want to hurt myself with memories that don’t hold true.
I gave up on you not because I didn’t love you but because you didn’t fight for me ever and it’s so very true.
I don’t hate you no truly I don’t but I feel sorry for myself now because I couldn’t give up my habit of penning down and somehow if you read this you might think that I want things to be normal. No plz don’t have that misconception. I don’t need you anymore in my life. I spared myself from all ignore and humiliations. I never deserved all the sadness that I have been put through because of something that I feel ashamed to call love.
I wonder where were all these understandings missing for so many days, how come it took so long to get the facts correct. Were I under some trance?
Or were my demons were partying hard that I failed to realize the truth.
Love didn’t fail I failed miserably in my own eyes, my pride shattered because I couldn’t tame my stubborn stupid heart and had to kiss the dust if humiliation everytime I tried to prove my mind wrong. I hate myself for being such a fool in love. Everything was crystal clear in front of my eyes but I couldn’t read as if I was blind. How idiotic of myself. Love was in the air it knocked my door several times I failed to catch cos I was trading memories, trying to keep my promises like a fool where no vows were taken.

New Confession

I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf

Related Confessions

Better treat the good people good and not totally sh*t on them by turning everything around about yourself backwards to make them feel and look like the bad one and replace them with a partner you think is better. Especially one that that familiar with breaking the law and a gazillion felonies. Heck,your ” better” partner just may end up de*d then you are left alone with nobody to support your selfish needs. You then realize too late that you can never get back the partner that was good to you that you treated like trash.