I hate to see you because everytime I look into your eyes I miss you like hell and become sad thinking why do you hurt me so much why don't you want to

5 years

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I hate to see you because everytime I look into your eyes I miss you like hell and become sad thinking why do you hurt me so much why don’t you want to keep me close why do you ignore why don’t you love me as much I love you, why don’t you need me as I wish to be needed. I do understand I am no one special to you but still I wish if only you could love me, care for me and wish to be with me.
I know you have a family so do I but still I loved you the most and got hurt the most. I never cared people accusing me to be wrong cause I knew my love was never harmful I was sure I wouldn’t have caused any wrong it was my secret meditation – loving you but what broke me into pieces was you, it’s sad you never honoured my feelings it was all fun, flirt for you from the word go. I still can’t solve the puzzle why, why didn’t you feel my heart where did I fall short. Anyways I know I can’t forget anything whatsoever related to us I tried all tricks but my heart simply refuses to act. For me this love is beyond any logic I don’t understand myself why do I love you.. You are devil who broke me into pieces but for my heart this devil is an angel filled with pain I know I heal you even with my anger and that is why I can’t leave.. You cant stay without this healing therapy you need this everyday and my silence hurt you I can feel but still you won’t keep me close because you are too scared of the outcome. I freed you dear enjoy your life honey I will always love you.

New Confession

I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf

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Better treat the good people good and not totally sh*t on them by turning everything around about yourself backwards to make them feel and look like the bad one and replace them with a partner you think is better. Especially one that that familiar with breaking the law and a gazillion felonies. Heck,your ” better” partner just may end up de*d then you are left alone with nobody to support your selfish needs. You then realize too late that you can never get back the partner that was good to you that you treated like trash.