5 years
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I thank god for the gifts in my life. I thank god…for my home. Its nothing truly special. But its mine. A little apt in low income housing. On this bitter cold night. I am thankful to have a home..a roof over my head. Warm clothes. Full belly.

Seriously. I am truly thankful to god. He is the only person..who has ever been there for me. (Other than my dad and sister and. Mom). Just God. He has never judged me. Or bashed me. He loved me. Even when i was not lovable. I was horrible. I was sinful. I did things….i am sooo ashamed of now.

I truly feel…god is truly love. He could have really destroyed me. Sent me to hell as i laid dying. but he didnt. I deserved it. Instead he gave me a door to a vision of heaven. I’ll never understand. I will never forget it. I miss you Jesus .

Thank you again….for not giving up on me. for fighting for me. When i coudln’t. When i had no voice. Thank you lord….for being my eyes..and my lips. for speaking truth into me….and healing a very shattered daughter.

I love you.

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My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.