So all my life I have been dreaming and wishing I was born a woman and a lesbian at that too cause that’s like love life and s** life to the max level. I’m not even trans and while not really being fond of my male parts I don’t have the feelings that would be enough for me to want to use scissors to chop off my d*** and I’m in fact a big bodybuilder and a total lady’s man. I love women and fulfill my role well BUT what I have issues with is myself not being one. I feel like I’m not genuine or as if I’m a knockoff copy or an imposter of a lesbian when I’m with women as if I’m a lesbian deep down but in my appearance I’m still seen as a straight male. My current GF let me know about lesbian men and while so many of that sounds great and fitting I still don’t feel like that “man” part. Why couldn’t I just be born a lesbian woman? My life would be HEAVEN and COMPLETE no matter what even if I was born in some backwards homophobic redneck place. Sometimes I do get extremely salty about this even and act a bit “bitchy” when I see lesbian women both the ones who are very feminine and the ones who are a lot like myself in attitude and big builds and toughness and all that .. yknow .. the lesbians that seem to be more assertive and not feminine and like total dudes (but much nicer still cause they’re still women and got all the beauty and niceness of women even if they’re rough or about to tear people apart). I once even got so salty about not being one of them that I ended up saying something like catcalling one of them while I was almost drunk and I mumbled something about “if you put some beard on that face you’d be more man than me” and she took it as a joke fortunately and laughed at the idea and brushed it off but I still feel like I’m so petty and such a scum to have done that only out of my jealousy and failing to contain and control my jealousy and words and tantrum, like there are petty scum man out there that do that just like how many homophobes are in fact gays in denial that are wishing for s** with men and to mask that they go on their homophobic rants to hide their own homosexuality but I’d rather die than be in the same group or doing the same as those petty awful pathetic redneck men. I wish I could just apologize to her still and let her know that was ALL due to me wishing that I was her.
Just needed to say this again and again before heading out. Really hope in my next life I be born as a lesbian woman no matter how I’d look or what type or feminine or masculine or whatever. Just being a lesbian woman. That’s all I’m asking for and I KNOW I’d be the happiest person ever and even if I was born in a bad place I’d KNOW how to make myself the happiest person on earth. Amen!
_ CORVALLUS