i’m 16 and i’ve been struggling mental health for a long time. i remember starting to say alarming things about suicide in grade 4-5 to my science teacher when i was upset but she never talked about it to anyone or me again or never even comforted me. when i was 12 i was so convinced i was gonna do it, i had a plan, just wasn’t sure when i was gonna act on it but i wanted it to be soon. i’ve told my mom i wanted to die at 10 and she slapped me in the face. i’ve had really bad suicide urges but never yet to harm myself. i don’t cut myself but i self destruct rly bad. my whole life ive always been the one excluded, picked on, misunderstood, by others and family but i always had a big heart regardless. i had a toxic bf at 14 who used to threaten suicide to me and try to do it in front of me. hit himself, cheated on me, randomly dumped me for another girl and i never fully recovered. i’m still unsure if i was s******* assaulted because i’m so confused by a few things that happened. my siblings compared me to my dad all the time growing up, knowing that we all disliked him A LOT. never asked why i acted the way i did. they never paid attention to me. my mom and grandma are the closest ppl to take care of me emotionally and physically but i still feel so f****** alone. mo one knows the true me cus i beat it out of me. everyone i loved fucked me over not knowing how hard i care for these ppl. i was getting over the years of the urge of suicide bjt i’m getting really tired. my grandma and mom are the only ppl i’m alive for. and literally. my bf is unsupportive, my family is not tight, they don’t understand me or try to. my friends stopped talking to me. my dad recorded me having a break down and calling me sick and psycho and i needed help (in degrading ways). i will admit all my wrongs if i knew what i did. i just want it to stop.
i don’t want pity or replies or anything just needed to let s*** off my chest. idk when this is gonna end and i’m only 16 and i’m f****** tired. literally physically feel slower and i just feel like mt body is dying out on me. i don’t belong here. i don’t have anyone. i wanna be okay.