He’s the kind of dude I would’ve loved being friends with if I didn’t want to stab him in his poor overworked heart and chop off his ding dong.

All things are fair in love or war.

He might be better than me in a lot of ways, but I’m smarter, deeper, more sensitive, hotter, in better shape, healthier, and funnier than he could ever hope to be. I would also destroy him in a fight so badly it would be on worlds most one sided fist fights since hes a lot shorter and less muscular than I thought he was under all that fat.