Siren, Just because he’s the better puzzle piece to complete your puzzle, doesn’t mean I’m not the perfect fit to complete someone too, yknow?
He’s definitely more capable of meeting your physical, emotional, and financial needs. I still think you and me connected on a deep emotional and spiritual level, but different people value(or require) different things to thrive(or survive). It was ableist of me to belittle your relationship, to make baseless assumptions about your character, to bring other people into our squabble, and to question your integrity. Everything I did was wrong. I consistently chose the wrong option whenever I had a choice. When you take us as a sum of our parts, he is the better man, objectively. The thing is, it’s not like I chose to be a low value human being. It just sorta is that way. But maybe I’m not low value, maybe there’s so many different ways of calculating worth, and I’ve been focusing on my lack and ignoring my bounty.
My mistake was taking everything so personally. Just as I can’t fight the fact I love you, you didn’t choose to fall in love with him. That’s not how hearts work. If that was how hearts worked, mine would have listened to me when I said you were off limits and none of this would ever have happened. I was way too obsessive and possesive of you. You are not living your life to hurt me, and by believing that, I started living my life to hurt you. It was misguided. I was very selfish. I have a hard time understanding and expressing my emotions and feelings. It took me so long to figure out something that should have come easily. I’m sorry. I’ll always love you, and I’d drop everything for you if you ever asked me to, but I’m done putting my life on hold for you. It’s time to march forward. May the sun light your path. May the winds be at your back. I will always believe in you. I’ll always be willing to repay you. Thank you again.
PS: I know I keep saying I’m done and that I’ll shut up, but I keep thinking of more to say. You should probably just stop reading it. I could fill a book with s*** I still want to say to you and I’d still have words left over. I’ll admit I’m still not even close to where I want to be, but at least I’m not where I was in May. I’m finally moving in the right direction for once.