i’m sorry. i think sometimes the things that i have to deal with are so hard, i s*** on you trying to push you away so you don’t have to be near it and because i think you’re too rich (non-monetary) and pristine and i don’t want to damage you in any way. like you’re a pristine doll i want to leave in its pristine stage i found it in, so you can continue on without me, knowing i haven’t tainted you in any way. i feel like a damaged doll myself and that my existence to you can only damage you, pull you into a wharped jagged reality your pristineness was never meant to see. (lol–like there is anything pristine about you right!!) you’re right. i’m pompous and arrogant and i think that you will never understand, and yet i point out to myself everyday, you do more than understand, you instinctively know the exact most humane way how to handle me and you do it with no prompting from me, and that scares me. you are young, yet old and wise on me, like i purposely went looking for young and immature but God said no, wait a minute, this is what you need child, and placed you there where i needed. i feel like i need you and that’s the truth of it. and it’s scary to see you leaving me. it hurts.