I used to think the worst thing about me was my addiction, but i couldnt do anything to change it. Until one day that i was tired psychologically and decided to stay alone. As time passed i felt really bad, until one day i decided to start playing Genshin Impact, so my life for some days was only this game but i wouldnt call it addiction. So the days passed until i released that i feel nothing. I started failing on things, i burned my cooking, couldnt start a conversation with people, couldnt even work. I realised that i failed because i didntt want to do them. So i said f*** everything and i let everything go, and each day started doing things for myself because why the f*** not, i started exercising learning another language until one day that i decided to endulge to my addiction and i felt nothing. I used to thing the worse thing about me was my addiction but i think, actually im not sure, the worst thing about me is that i cant feel. So i continued to exercise, playing genhsin, keep on with the language im trying to learn, russian,and as time past i forgot about my addiction and that i felt nothing about it. But is it really the worst? Honestly i can no longer tell. My addiction was a person i was in love with, the s** we had, being high and kinda drunk. So i tried going back to that because i wanted to feel sth, but still i felt nothing. You could say the problem lies in me and the things i dont wanna face about myself but the thing is i no longer feel myself. The things i tried to run away from seem transparent and cause me no reaction. Im still having some trouble having to deal with people, because they feel needy and talk too much but i learned a technique where you have a hint of smile on your face and slightly agree and they go away. I dont have a place to go back or a place to look forward to. Could this be the worse thing about me? Because i cant really feel to tell. Or could this be the freedom i was looking for since i was a kid.
