i’m not being cheated on. i have a friend who has no part in my personal life, a nighttime play friend only. hi likes to explore all things evil, which has killed anything real life we might have had. the more we hang out, the more danger there is, as he likes to push things more and more evil, even to the point of physical harm and s***** threats to people i love. most people i know personally spend part of our time coming up with scenarios in which i might leave him, including my own therapist. there’s a part of me that wants to stay in it to see where it might take me, how much i can withstand, and see whether i grow to like the evil things he does. a wanting to explore the evil. I sometimes imagine this is how women end up murdered. i wonder what the appeal is to me to always push things to their threshold, always wanting to be up to a dangerous line, but never crossing over it.
