I should be happier but I’m not. My family is great support in one aspect yet non existent in others. I’ve always felt alone and realize I have to adjust my expectations of them. I can’t recall a time where I experienced their love. I moved away to develop, yet it’s not respected in their eyes. Now I’m back home and think about suicide. It’s an ideation not something I’d do. I just want to be successful in my own eyes, yet feel so far from that. I don’t want to open up with them. I can’t. I’m embarrassed, I have no friends anymore and I don’t know what to do. I feel ungrateful because I’d rather be alone than with them. I feel more alone when I am with them then when I’m actually alone. Thank God I don’t have the courage to kill myself. I want to keep living, I just don’t like being around them. I cannot be myself around them and I hate existing this way. Many people have it way worse which makes me feel quite ungrateful. I will stay strong and get through it.