I guess what I’m saying, and what I mean, is I guess you really aren’t that much to me in the grand scheme of things. You and the failure of our “relationship” are not the reason for my anger. You could go out and mess around and play games with a guy I work with, cause all kinds of problems for me behind my back, pull some strings, I might know it happened until long after I’m out of it…

And what bother me about it is not jealousy that you are with this guy who I work with, we hate each other, he hates me because of what you’re feeding him and I hate him because he’s a f****** a****** and I can’t figure out exactly why or what I did other than to exist to piss him off… people a re going “woah… stay away from him…” not that I was scared but it just made me wonder “wow, what the f*** did I do to piss him off, I haven’t even see the guy in over a week???” Then I find that out after I’m gone, what bothers me about it is the fuckery behind my back with my work, and the people at my work. My way of making a living. Making things uncomfortable for me. I couldn’t care less that you are with him, because I don’t have any feelings for you. Him specifically. If anything, I know he has some pluses in the eyes of some women. He has a steady job, he owns a house, he’s doing alright but I’m not insecure enough to really care. I like myself. So it doesn’t really bother me. I still think I am the best choice and if not, that’s your loss. I really look at it that way. So whatever.

Same goes with you and them. It has nothing really do do with you. You are pretty insignificant to me in the grand scheme of things. Life. We weren’t much. It wasn’t worth the bad. To me it’s more about them. I would expect more out of them than out of you or some guy I work with, don’t really respect or particularly like and that’s about it. He’s more nothing to me than anything. He doesn’t matter especially if I don’t need to be around him anymore.

But nothing has anything to do with my feelings for you. It’s about the people who should have my back, who instead don’t having my back. Instead of giving me a reason to rethink walking away from it all in the first place, they solidify why exactly I was walking and piss me off more than ever at the same time. Ya know?

The problems I have with it currently is other people connected to both of us, dragging it back to me in any way, which does happen occasionally even as recent as last week. It’s like leave it alone. If you don’t know why, maybe you should ask them and when you see me just act like you don’t know me. Don’t speak to me, don’t acknowledge my existence in the same room. I’ll do the same. I dont need to talk to people I haven’t seen in 25 years. I am ok with seeing them, clearly seeing and recognizing them, but just not speaking to them 🙂 we technically don’t know each other. I won’t be offended. I won’t call you a snob, or stuck up I will be grateful and relieved.