So if that’s you, don’t bother being a hero.

You need to keep in mind that with me, the reason you being in the picture with her doesn’t bother me, and it doesn’t, is because I don’t care. There was a time, a long time ago, you were probably just learning to spell when I was passionate about her and my relationship. I truely believed that what we had was special. There was no way in hell she would ever be able to let me go. People would s*** directly on my head, all day, every day, from all directions, in real life and otherwise. They all were connected to her and I was a punching bag. For a long time. And I dealt some out too. It turned me into a mean, pissed off guy who actually is not afraid. It hardened me big time, but the thing about it is I still actually believed she gave a serious s*** about me. So I would be getting kicked and beaten and s*** on, there were times where I seriously risked my own life literally, in the moment, a few times, I was crazy, and heath wise, neglect, and I could very well have died, and I would blame everyone but her. I still believed she gave a s*** but she hadn’t given me a single word in an embarrassing amount of time. I was mean and vicious to them. I kicked some good a** mentally myself. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE I WANT TO SPEAK WITH IN PERSON.

But it got to the point, long before I ever met you where I just got to a point where I had to be honest with myself the circumstances. I made it worse by being a needy b**** for too many years, I took my chances and made it worse, she was gone, possibly married, kids, everyone in her life hates my f****** guts f****** me in the head and physically, I give up. And I did. Long before you and me met. And I did get over it and her too. I was working on it still when I went there, but I really got over it. A few people there I credit for helping me forget and get over. I hated a lot of people, but I liked equal as many. They and that helped me get over her. I almost forgot her birthday in 2014. I forget what reminded me. Oh yeah, her birthday was I think on a Sunday, or Monday, and I swear I saw her parked directly in front of me out having a cigarette on a Friday. My point is at that point, my mind was closed off to her. It was the past, and I don’t want to go back there. During that time, Inbar to start to look at all the times she really fucked me over or literally ruined my life for no real reason. She knew it to. It wasn’t just leaving me, I understand that it was everything she did while she left. She was f****** cold and cruel. I lost the illusion. By about 2014, I was seeing s*** for what it was. I truely gave up. Not in a depressing way, I woke up, and I didn’t see her as an option. It made me less passionate. I had nothing to really defend. She and these people in her life broke the shitnout of me. I felt hate, but I put it out there too which is hard on the head. I lost the passion for her by that time, probably before you even met her. When I forget about a birthday…. There’s some serious s*** going on. It’s worse than dislike, with me it’s the only time that’s ever happened and I think it was me mentally putting in a place like “it never happened…” which is fucked.

So when someone like you steps in in what 2014, 15, 16, I don’t know why or how, it’s like…..??? What the f*** man? Why the f*** hard you dragging this s*** back to me? What the f***? You think she was wronged by me? I mean it’s fine, as long as I don’t need to be around you. Jesus man, f***, you have no idea what was out into my mind who she was with in the mid 00’s…. Jesus Christ you haven’t felt excruciating agony to you see it from where I’m standing in the mid 00’s. Cruelest woman I have ever encountered. So I am numb as s***, permanently from knowing her. Permanently. On top of seeing her for what she is, I’m a confident guy. Reality is I’m cool and likeable. That’s just the truth. I am well liked throughout my entire life. I am remembered. I like myself, I am good at everything I put my mind to. I don’t really care who she is with at this point, I just don’t want to be around it or them. I especially don’t want to work with people who are connected to her and can’t separate that from the job. Whatever beef we had, is f*** all in the grand scheme of things, we don’t need to be around each other, hopefully you understand that there has been no two way communication between us in 15 years, and I gave up, seriously, truly, logically before we met, probably more so before you and her met. I didn’t care anymore. Logically. I guess I gave up believing she gave a s***, despite what our relationship felt like to me, I couldn’t believe how wrong I was, but I eventually accepted that not only was I wrong, but she was vicious. It drained the life out of me and didn’t replenish it. I don’t thinking’s possible to ever be hurt again. It was that bad. I don’t think it gets worse when it comes to this sort of thing. Devastating if you love her. Someone like you…. That’s no big deal. It could be worse for me. Working together is one thing, that’s bad, I would have left earlier had I known, but if we ain’t buds, who cares? Good luck to you … you and her is not the same war or game that it was back in the 00’s. It ended there….

So it’s kind of weird being watched by you. As if I’m a threat or something. It’s out of the question. If I was done before you and me met, and I was, I’m really done now….