I’ve been in love with my best friend for years. And I’m in a happy committed relationship. It is now that he chose to confess he loves me back. And I shut him down. Because I love my boyfriend. I’ve been diagnosed with a condition that has a risk of death every single day. And I sleep on the phone with my boyfriend but.. I stare at the photos of my friend on my wall. And I feel guilty because seeing the smile on my friends face makes life less stressful. Makes the risk of death seem almost insignificant. I want to go to him. Tell him I choose him. And ideally he’d want me and everything would be great. But he’s hurt me several times, and I don’t trust he cares like he says. And I feel guilty because although I love my boyfriend, I know that I’ll never stop loving my friend. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. I’ve been in love with my best friend for 12 years. I risk death every day, and I can’t decide if telling my friend I long to be in his arms in my last days, or if I want to stay in my boyfriend’s instead. I guess my truth is I’m scared of dying and regretting what ever decision I make.