i can’t sleep no matter how tired i am. even if im not thinking about him, my heart is heavy and the sadness that i live with every day is killing me slowly. i should snap out of it, but when i suddenly think about him i realize that i have been feeling this way ever since… "he" happened to me. he was the one who could make me so happy but at the same time could make me so damn miserable. its a long confusing story and i dont even know what happened exactly between us all i knew was that i cant stay with him because it was not right. unhappy with him unhappy without him but at least with him i had some wonderful moments of real pure happiness, when things were going well. but he never changed. he will never change, so its not even an option to go back to him. and i should be happy, i should snap out of this. but i am just so tired. each day is a fight, i carry my sadness around everywhere. i dont think anything will compare to what i felt with him. that kind of connection just doesnt happen twice in a lifetime. but its gone, its wasted, it wouldnt have even worked out in the long run. but it was so damn beautiful. i need to see a f****** shrink.
