So, I share an amazing bond with a guy who happens to be my best friend’s boyfriend as well. And recently, I have felt that my friendship with the guy is fueling her insecurity.
Three of us used to be best friends initially. But later on, they fell in love and are dating. And honestly, I am very happy for them. I really do cherish them as a couple.
I am very close with the guy, maybe more than I am with the girl, and we share many secrets and just because our personalities are more alike, we happen to be comfortable with each other. We fool around, bully each other and support each other as well. But the relation that we share, it’s not romantic at all. For me, he is more like a sibling I never had, with whom I could be immature and vulnerable without the fear of being judged. And I know very well, it is the same way other way around. Not to forget, he loves her very much. And I have been the witness all along. I have seen their relation growing, breaking and again growing stronger with time.
I thought that we three have an understanding among each other regarding the complex relation that we share as we were friends way before they started dating. But, even if she has never said it bluntly, I have sensed the insecurity from her side time and again. She also seems to understand that the insecurity makes no sense, or maybe she doesn’t and is just awkward to confront this straightforwardly. But this is really affecting all three of us. She has dropped many hints about how she feels left out whenever my and the guy’s thinking patterns match. She shows non-verbal indications that she doesn’t like when the guy is enjoying my company, or if he is giving me attentions. And if she ever finds out that we two share secret that she doesn’t know yet, she will be too much to handle.
Having said that, she also seems to be too comfortable and understanding when it comes to my friendship with the guy at times. Me and the guy are like the cat and rat who are always fighting and arguing, pulling hairs, spitting, insulting- all in all, it’s a typical brother-sister relationship. And she seems to be encouraging us to get onto each other.
But I am not able to analyze and perceive these mixed signals. I don’t know how to interpret this situation- whether to conclude that she understands my friendship with her boyfriend, or that she is getting overtly insecure from me. I don’t know how to process this situation. I might have been overthinking regarding her insecurity, or I might have been right all this time.
And lately, I have been too conscious regarding my friendship with the guy, thinking from the girl’s point of view. I have even tried ignoring the guy, and tried to maintain distance with the guy, thinking from the girl’s point of view. But the bond that we share is too strong, and I don’t want to let go of such an amazing friend. Neither does he, because he felt the distance I was trying to create for the reasons he doesn’t know and didn’t like it. And since there’s no wrong feelings from both mine and the guy’s side, I think our bond is not wrong at all. But she doesn’t seem to simplify this thing. And this has been affecting me too much emotionally and mentally that it has been very difficult to keep a balance between the two relations.
I want to sort this thing out without affecting our friendship and neither their relationship. Talking to her directly doesn’t seem viable to me as she has never directly confronted to me about her insecurities and she has also tried to make me believe that she is okay with my friendship with the guy. Any ideas what I should be doing?