• 1 month ago
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I’m literally the only remotely competent person amongst my colleagues. It’s as if my firm deliberately went out of its way to not only hire five neanderthals masquerading as functioning adults, but also ensure they remain as close within my proximity as humanly possible. At this point it’s impeding my ability to do anything. Work is infinitely more stressful with these blithering idiots always surrounding me in the office, not to mention it’s always up to me to pick up the slack when one or more of them inevitably fails to do their jobs and pawns their work off to me like the mewling asinine leeches they are. My social life dwindles day by day due to the extreme increase in my workload thanks to their utter uselessness. My daily life, once structured harmoniously with routines and order, has gone to the septic tank thanks to the childish drama of these new recruits, of which they are significantly more interested than their actual occupations (and believe me when I say some would likely give up their right foot for an eighth of a chance to fill their shoes). I’m exhausted in every possible regard: physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually. Me. An atheist since birth. I have actually contemplated lobotomizing myself with a staple gun just to see if I could pierce my own brain in exactly the right spot to reveal the face of whatever deity decided to curse me with these cretins for colleagues, just so I could personally deliver it a one-finger salute in my ghostly afterlife form. I believe this idea occurred to me at the same time it did one of my colleagues to perch his coffee on the very edge of another one’s desk as they conversed, causing it to inevitably spill all over the woman’s dress and prompt a highly disruptive, long-winded outburst of soap opera proportions. For some context, all parties were above the age of thirty. I don’t know how much longer my current predicament will continue, but I’ve already begun mentally drafting my own letter of resignation if I don’t see improvements in the near future. Apologies to whatever hapless soul happens upon these frustrated ramblings.

All Comments

  • well, you might not have liked venting this all out but tbh this has got to be the funniest thing i’ve read all week, and it’s truly brightened my day. i can seriously relate to your issues.

    hang in their, sir, ma’am, whoever you are. you’ll be fine in the long run.

    and if you’re seriously considering a career change, might i suggest comedy?

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 4:57 am Reply
  • I read this in John Oliver’s voice

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 5:00 am Reply
    • LMAO .

      Anonymous March 22, 2019 5:03 am Reply
  • That was some venting!

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 5:01 am Reply
  • that was beautiful

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 5:07 am Reply
  • tl:dr, kill your coworkers.

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 6:32 am Reply
  • keep watching them a bit longer.

    Then quit & write a book about them or something. Maybe learn how to draw? I’d love to see “neanderthal office” the cartoon

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 7:27 am Reply
  • Sounds like how “Dilbert” got started…..

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 2:45 pm Reply
  • I just want to know who wrote this lmao

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 6:24 pm Reply
  • You have my sympathy and gratitude. 😅

    Anonymous March 22, 2019 7:12 pm Reply

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