I’m literally the only remotely competent person amongst my colleagues. It’s as if my firm deliberately went out of its way to not only hire five neanderthals masquerading as functioning adults, but also ensure they remain as close within my proximity as humanly possible. At this point it’s impeding my ability to do anything. Work is infinitely more stressful with these blithering idiots always surrounding me in the office, not to mention it’s always up to me to pick up the slack when one or more of them inevitably fails to do their jobs and pawns their work off to me like the mewling asinine leeches they are. My social life dwindles day by day due to the extreme increase in my workload thanks to their utter uselessness. My daily life, once structured harmoniously with routines and order, has gone to the septic tank thanks to the childish drama of these new recruits, of which they are significantly more interested than their actual occupations (and believe me when I say some would likely give up their right foot for an eighth of a chance to fill their shoes). I’m exhausted in every possible regard: physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually. Me. An atheist since birth. I have actually contemplated lobotomizing myself with a staple gun just to see if I could pierce my own brain in exactly the right spot to reveal the face of whatever deity decided to curse me with these cretins for colleagues, just so I could personally deliver it a one-finger salute in my ghostly afterlife form. I believe this idea occurred to me at the same time it did one of my colleagues to perch his coffee on the very edge of another one’s desk as they conversed, causing it to inevitably spill all over the woman’s dress and prompt a highly disruptive, long-winded outburst of soap opera proportions. For some context, all parties were above the age of thirty. I don’t know how much longer my current predicament will continue, but I’ve already begun mentally drafting my own letter of resignation if I don’t see improvements in the near future. Apologies to whatever hapless soul happens upon these frustrated ramblings.

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