God, I hate being alive. It’s too hard. I want friends, but I’ve a terrible personality. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have always had a difficult time making friends, except in childhood. I’m fucked up. When I get close to someone, I just reveal too much and let my depressed side show a lot. I also get bored in others company easily and discuss taboo things like s**, drugs and alcoholism. I’m sure it turns people off. I have never had trouble getting admirers or lovers. I am physically attractive. My brain just s****. So, when my looks fade, and my parents die…I will be alone. People take friends for granted. There’s this girl from my temple who seems to want to be friends, but im too afraid so I make excuses to not be around her. I don’t want her to reject me when she learns about me. God, I hate this.

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