Please, someone help me. I really need someone to talk to. My family and I moved to a new state about a year ago, bought a new house, and opened a small family florist business. My family-me, my wife, daughter (16), son (13), and 9 year old twin daughters all needed a fresh start.
I fondled my 16 year old daughter a couple of times when she was younger. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Our family went to counseling, both family and individual, we took care of all classes, probations, etc. It took five years to completely rebuild our lives and we were starting to become a genuinely happy, safe family again. But a nosy relative phoned CPS where we moved and told them all our backstory and they came and took all our children for fear I may harm them s*******. I would never do that. I’m just crying as I type this. I want to kill myself and maybe my wife will get the children back and they can move on without me. I have a large life insurance policy so they wouldn’t need for anything. My wife hates me. I asked her to just hold me and I hold her and she won’t even hug me. God, I just want to die.
All Comments
Don’t kill youself life insurance won’t pay out if u do that
Yes, you made a huge mistake in fondling your daughter when she was younger. We all make mistakes, regardless of whether it is huge or small. Maybe it serves you right to be regretting what you did, because no father should be doing that to their daughter or children. However, you now know what your past actions have cost you, and you deeply regret it now and you wish you can take it all back. You want to redeem yourself. You want your wife to love you back and you wish you wouldn’t be apart from your children. But does killing yourself solve all of this? No, it does not. Think about how your children would feel if you took your own life. You need to get yourself together. If you were able to completely rebuild your life in those five years, you can do it again. Nothing screams more cowardly than a man who is too afraid to own up to his past actions.
Thank-you.
So let me preface this with the fact that my father molested me when I was a young girl. It broke me. It honestly did. Even now as a mother of a toddler I consider adoption every day so I can kill myself.
You did something really awful- it’s true.
Killing yourself won’t help them.
Understanding the full impact might help you choose your next step though.
Your daughter will probably want to leave when she’s 18. She will have trouble for the rest of her life. The best you can do is to explain why you did what you did with full honesty.
My best guess is that you felt alone and scared and wanted to destroy yourself so you regressed into the most primal of states and saw a female of early fertile age and went for it. It happens. It’s not an excuse but you need to explain to your wife and daughter what was going through your mind. You need to tell them that they’re your top priority.
Mind you- they won’t believe a word you say. It’ll take months or years for them to believe you because of the huge chasm between your past words and actions. That’s okay. It’ll rebuild trust.
All I ever wanted was for my father to honestly tell me why and to once again just be my father. She needs a dad. Right now she’s just a scared kid living with the guy who haunts her nightmares and your wife probably feels like an enabler trapped with the man who doesn’t want her but will prey and ruin her life’s work.
But all they want is who they thought you were before it happened.
Your wife wants to hug you and cry and tell you how scared she is that it was a mistake to have your eldest daughter. She’s probably asking herself who she would choose. Your daughter wants to hit you and hold you and ask how she’s ever going to move on. You’re what traumatized them but also the only person who can help them learn how to live again by reaffirming their previous view of you.
Understand that from their perspective you’re scary. You can actually tell them that you understand the case too.
Please keep trying to communicate and trying to be the man you want to be (and the man they need you to be).
To this day with a family of my own I answer every phone call hoping it’s my father or mother ready to explain that life isn’t brutal but I was just unlucky and that my father needed help fighting his unhealthy urges. I cringe whenever I change diapers because it feels like a violation. I’m not going to be okay because my father never showed me that he was human.
Above all you must be consistent. Be there for them. Don’t do your best one day but get drunk the next. Be reliable and get a schedule. Read all ththe self help books or whatever works.
Go to counseling again.
Open up as much as you can.
As soon as they realize you’re not an unpredictable danger to them they’ll start opening up to th the possiblity of rekindling the old dynamic. It’ll never be what it was but that’s okay. The trauma can be redirected into emotional maturity for the whole family.
Tell your wife how you feel, how you hate what you did and how you see it was wrong. Tell her how you adore her. In her mind you cheated on her whilst ruining the person she holds most dear. She may not respond in the kindest of ways but trust me it’s a start.
Be uncomfortably open with all of them whilst being very predictable and non threatening (tall order, I know. But it can be done I assure you)
I can’t believe I sympathize with you but I do and I want you and your family to be alright. Good luck, stranger. Be brave. Be as brave and cool as your wife thought when she first met you. Be as strong and wise as your daughter thought you were when she was a toddler. Be that guy for them. Be the best version of yourself.
Stay strong. Don’t give up. They need you to not give up. You can do this. I promise.
Hello,
Thanks for writing to me. Your sentiments mean the world to me.
You sound like a wonderful mother and person. Please don’t ever entertain the thought of harming yourself. You got so much to live for and think of your little baby- you mean everything to him/her. You bring your baby so much happiness and joy.
Think of the graduations, wedding. He/she will want you to be there, front and center! I think about these things with my daughters (the one I molested and the two I didn’t). I hope my oldest daughter can forgive me. As a father who has molested a daughter, I honestly don’t know why I did it. And that is no excuse. I have decided to go back into therapy for that and these new issues. When CPS removed all four of my children, it felt like my heart was ripped out and tossed around. I think my wife felt the same way and she rightfully blames me.
But, like you said- be consistent. I do have a shedule, go to work everyday, I never drink (only on holidays), and I am becoming the man I want to be. For my children, for my wife. I think we may have a chance at having all four returned rather quickly. I’m going to get an attorney tomorrow and beat CPS so badly they won’t know what hit them. They should have never been involved, just as my family was healing and starting over.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but I was close to suicide tonight. I was laying in bed, crying over everything, and thinking about the gun I keep stored under the bed. I lost my whole world today when they took all my children away. Thankfully, my wife came to check on me. I didn’t even try to hide the fact I was crying anymore. I don’t want to hide my emotions from her anymore. She and I cuddled for hours and it was the best feeling in the world. It gave me hope for our future. I loved and felt loved. I realize now, killing yourself is the easy way out. I want my family, I want us all to be happy and feel loved. And that’s what I’m going to strive for.
I am sorry for what you went through as a child. No one should have to endure that. I hope and pray you can find peace, and happiness. Please don’t let what your father did to you ruin your happiness. As I have said before, you are wonderful.
Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.
If you kill yourself your daughter and wife will be haunted by their demonized versions of you.
If you stay strong they’ll be able to find closure.
Do it for them. If you really love them you’ll fix (well, mend) what you broke inside of them.
So how big a pair of tits does your oldest daughter have?