I’M FEELING EVERY GOD DAMN EMOTION RIGHT NOW!!!
After I turned 14 my father would regularly force himself on me. My mother knew about this and did nothing to stop it.Now today years later my therapist encouraged me to talk to my mother about it in a counseling session.I did that today and my mother claimed that I simply misunderstood my father’s reasonings and intentions behind his actions.
My therapist says that my mother the worst delusional battered woman she’s seen in her twenty years as a therapist.My mother refuses to believe my father was abusive and she rationalizes everything he did.She says that my father was a good, hardworking man.And any abuse I think he did to me he must’ve had a good reason for it, or else he wouldn’t have done it.
My mother believes that I’m a pathological liar and I need help for my problem.I actually have written letters,texts and other shit by other people describing what a gaping ass my father was.I gave them to my therapist weeks ago, she showed them to my mother.My mother claimed that the texts and letters were fake and said that whatever vendetta I had against my father needed to stop because I was slandering his good name.
As far as i’m concerned now my mother is dead to me.Thanks to hat asshat I have a negative and unrealistic view of men. I perceive some forms of assault as normal even though I know it’s not. I’m untrusting towards everyone and have difficulty maintaining close relationships. I hate that I was born a girl. I don’t feel trapped in the wrong body, I was conditioned to view women as worthless and expendable objects. I have no self value and hate everything about myself physically. I’m neurotic and suffer from crippling depression because of this.I have commitment issues and have trouble finishing things even when I enjoy doing them.
My therapist says that my mother needs an army of help, and can only be helped if my mother acknowledges that she needs it. Right now my mother believes that there’s nothing wrong with her or the decisions she’s made and believes I’m overreacting to everything,misunderstanding intentions, or I can’t accept how the real world works.Even after 20 plus years in working in her career field my therapist is just shocked at some of the things my mother said,did,allowed to happen, or thought was completely normal.I especially hate it when my mother says that i’m lying.I always hate being told I’m lying so that’s why I always give proof with everything I claim.With everything I showed my therapist I don’t think she had much room for doubt and side taking.She also tried to sympathize with my mother at first,to try to comfort her into opening up.That just ended with my mother traumatizing my therapist because of how delusional she is.I’m actually surprised I didn’t cry at some point, especially after I was told in private that trying to help my mother at this point would be nearly impossible and I should think about limiting my contact with her at my current stage in my healing process.