I used to be an alcoholic (I’ve been clean for one year and am proud of myself for that accomplishment). I just came home from inpatient rehab to my wife and 6 year old daughter. We have a son on the way. I hate to admit this, but when I got drunk, I used to beat my wife. I vowed never to hit her again. At my welcome home party, I reached out to touch my wife’s cheek, to rub it in a loving manner. My wife ducked out of fear of my hand and my daughter yelled out in front of everyone, “Don’t hit mommy again!” I felt terribly humiliated in that moment and my heart was ripping apart from the pain I had caused my family. I went into the bathroom and cried and cried. I want to hide my tears from them. I’ll admit that is the first time I wanted a drink to numb my pain of how I hurt them. But I never acted on it. Maybe I should disappear out of their lives forever. They don’t need me there to constantly remind them of pain I have caused. I would never raise my hand to them except in a loving manner but I don’t know if my family can heal from the past. They’d be better off without me.

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