This weekend I went to the funeral for my high school sweetheart’s brother. She was the one that broke my heart so long ago (30+ years). I loved this guy like a brother and he once told me that I was the only boyfriend she ever had that he liked including her husband of 20+ years. I couldn’t wait to see her even though the circumstances were horrible. I arrived a bit early and was trying to be low key as I didn’t want to cause a problem with her family. As I stood outside with a few people she saw me. We locked eyes and she immediately started to cry as she walked towards me. She hugged me for a long time but I could have stayed in that embrace forever. She eventually pulled away and said she had to go compose herself and walked away. After the ceremony I waited patiently to speak with her again before I left. She eventually made her way over to me and hugged me again like she was never going to let go. We spoke for about ten minutes and during that time I felt all that love I’ve secretly held in my heart come rushing back like a giant tsunami. She confided to me some things that only a trusted lover and friend would. Issues with her husband, the stresses of life, regrets. She told me she loved me. I held back as much as I could but I’m sure she knows how I felt. It’s how I’ve always felt. The only love of my life. All the pain I went through after we broke up is welling up and I don’t know what to do. I want to call her. I want to see her. I want her. It will never happen. It can’t. Too much destruction would come of it. I feel doomed. I am doomed.
