I’ve been unsure how to let my current girlfriend down easily. I’ve gone along with things with her for a while because I thought maybe I’d come around to enough things. I thought I’d get used to some of the odd inconsistencies between us. Instead I’ve turned to other discord friends to fulfill some of the needs I’d expect from a partner and have just started acting like I’m more interested in the things she is than I am in order to keep her happy.

I don’t feel as if I see her in the same light as I have in the past, and I don’t know how to broach the topic without seriously wrecking her. For a start, she’s had issues with previous partners leaving her on bad terms, and she also has some issues with emotional/psych stuff. I know that a touchy topic for her regarding previous breakups is body dysmorphia but beyond that I don’t know what the trigger points could be.

I’m at a point where I trust others with talking about my emotional turmoil more than her because it never feels like she’s really comfortable talking about it. That’s what’s really spurning me on to consider this more carefully. My brother’s going through a rough spot in his relationship as well, and I mentioned being worried about him to my GF and her responses were extremely minimal — “Oh no,” “:/,” “I don’t know what to say about that,” and “*hug*” were all she mustered before

She also keeps pushing for wanting to live together (context: long-distance relationship over Discord) but I feel like she’s rushing into it Passing comments suggest she’s not fiscally responsible, and it feels more like she wants to leave home and live with me (who is also working to live anywhere rather than “with mom”) to have a judgement-free caretaker rather than wanting to make a life for herself. It feels like she has hopes and dreams but not necessarily plans or aspirations.

On top of all of this I’m also realizing, because of some of her s***** advances, that I might actually be asexual. I like the idea of people finding me attractive/cute, and I like the idea of closeness, and I like the idea of aesthetic attraction and finding someone attractive, and I even like kink play or foreplay or smthn as intimate as like sensual n*** cuddling with some slight groping involved, but I don’t like the idea of s**. She talks about wanting to rail me, or have s**, or eat a** the first time we see each other and I’m realizing just how little I can really reciprocate those feelings. I don’t *want* to be railed, I don’t *want* to rail, I don’t want to s*** someone off or vice-versa, etc. I’m just really not comfortable with the propositions she’s given me.

We’ve been a thing for a little over a year and a half. No matter how I drop this, it’s going to hurt. And it feels, to me, too all-encompassing to really be “something to work through” or “something to compromise on.”