I’m sorry.
I don’t know if it’s you I’m talking to or myself.
Maybe it’s both.
I don’t know why I let this happen.
I’ve never been this type of girl. I’ve never been the type of girl who acts like a w****, who does this type of s***.
But I acted like one, multiple times. And I hate myself for it. I feel detached from you. I don’t know. I don’t know why I let it happen.
I’m still a virgin, yes I’m still one. But I’ve been so close to not being one so many times. I stop because I promised you, I promised myself that I would stay a virgin.
Even then, I put myself in that situation where if one thing goes wrong, I won’t be anymore.
I feel like a skank.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry for letting everyone down.
I told him we needed to stop doing this, that it feels like I’m detached from you.
I don’t know why I let myself wear the shoes of a friend with benefits.
I’m better than that.
I know I am.
But I still did it.
I still disappointed you, I still disappointed myself.
Please forgive me, I don’t like this feeling.
I’m going to stop this, I promise.
I promise you and I promise myself.
Please, forgive me. I am truly sorry.
I never meant for this to happen, I know you’re sad that I led myself here, I know you’re looking down at me with eyes full of pain.
Yesterday, I couldn’t face you. I didn’t feel like I was worthy of your presence. I felt out of place, sitting there, having everyone believe I was better than I really am.
I’m sorry.
I’m going to stop this, I promise you. Because you always come first and I can no longer take this guilt. I’m sorry.