My friends said since I’m having trouble meeting men who are ok with single moms I should date that African American guy who keeps asking for my number at the grocery store. Since we’re quarantining I invited him over for dinner.

After I put my daughter to bed we watched a movie and one thing led to another. After the i********** he immediately fell asleep and then flatulated really loud (sounded like brrrrrrrrrrrttttttttt).

An hour later he woke up and I heard him in the kitchen warming up food in the microwave. 30 minutes later he’s back in my bed flatulating again and saying “oh dear lord” after each one. An hour later he’s back on top of me wilding out and saying “I GOOD TO DIS PUSSAY”.

Finally an hour after that (around 5 am, who knew blacks woke up so early) he’s asking me for some money, saying he needs to buy “some gasoline, ham steak and soda poppy”. I told him I had $40 in my wallet and he could have it. I just wanted this muthafuker to leave at this point.

As he’s putting on his baggy clown pants he loses his footing on the carpet falls over, farts again sounding like a balloon that is losing its air then shouts “RACIST AZZ FLOOR!” gets up and scurries out the door, making a huge racket on the way out.

I can’t believe this happened to me.